i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
