You just made me feel so damn special
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drunk is a universal language darling
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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