He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
