I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
