pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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