I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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