I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
