I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
