In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
