I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
