After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
