I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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