Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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