No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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