Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
