Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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