lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
