I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
