I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish my penis had a tongue
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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