Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
