Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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