Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
