Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
