Your mouth is God's brothel.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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