I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
