Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
