dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
