Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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