just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
