it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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