I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
