I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
