So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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