dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
