If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
