Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
