i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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