I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
