Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
two words...techno handjob
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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