I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
