i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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