My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
