I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
