I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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