im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
