Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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