u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
