You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
