I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i came on her dog
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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