I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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