I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
