they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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