Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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