You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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