so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
